Once again, the time between posts is too long!!! This time, I think I need to be honest with myself and recognise why this is though. The season from the midway point onwards didn’t go well for a number of reasons and I’ve simply not felt like I had anything that anyone would want to read… that no body would want to bother. It's funny how the brain works sometimes isn’t it, and how easy it can be to let (if and when we choose to) external factors determine our thinking, attitude, actions and reactions. I always say, “You always have a choice, even if you don’t have control” and yet for some time now, I’ve not remembered this for myself.
You see, I’ve been forced to do a lot of what I guess some would call “soul searching”… I’d rather call it honest [very] critical assessment and what I’ve realised isn’t something I’m happy with; not in the slightest am I happy with it! As I’ve looked back upon the last 6 months of racing, training and life, I’ve had to follow the trajectory well beyond that time frame and realise that in triathlon at least, I’ve let things slip in a BIG way. I can see when and why these things started and even appreciate many of the understandable causes behind it. But what I’ve got to accept is that I’ve let all of this germinate beyond simple “events” that I go through (as we all do in life), to become seriously negative impacts that grow to be excuses; that grow to be habitual (attitudes or actions) parts of me that that are quite frankly cancerous to me as an athlete.
It's only been in this time off at the end of the season, faced with the reality of a [poor] set of race results for 2011, that I’ve been able to get any objectivity; in part this is one of the problems. But I don’t want to dwell (anymore) on all of that. Mistakes are only wasted if not learned from and used to make changes for the better in the future. I realise I’ve been un-professional in many ways to training, racing, preparation, structure, support, finances… the list goes on. Watching some of the pre-Kona footage this year I was struck in particular with how methodical Craig Alexander was to every single aspect of his training and racing, but more so, that even he as a 2 x world champion, actually handed over the responsibility for almost everything to other people; to experts!
The hole that I realise I’ve been in, in terms of training and racing has been dug solely by me… largely because I’ve been the only one doing the digging! Not only is this sub-optimal to doing any one thing well and consistently, but I’m also (I guess somewhat arrogantly) thinking I can do as good a job in things like for example nutrition, as a expert elite sports nutritionist. If I want to perform in a world class, professional way, then it makes sense to get world class professional help!
Who knows why or how I let myself get into the rut of doing things in the way I have been (I’m sure some of my friends might cheekily put their hands up and say “err… we knew”). I can see now just how far removed from the attitude I used to have and athlete I used to be, I’ve ended up.
So it's time to change things… everything! No more trying to do everything and actually doing nothing particularly well in the end anyway. It's time to seek out the best and let them take that burden off of me so I can do what I need to do as well as I know I can and must do, which is train and race!
So there are changes afoot for next season. The next few weeks are all about putting the perfect people, support and situations, plans and preparations in place to enable success and achieve it too. I’ve got some incredible sponsors who faithfully look after me and I’m incredibly grateful to VO2 Performance Road Bikes, Powerbar, CompresSport, ProFeet, ProHab Performance and Greepers. There will be more “back ground” people joining the “team” for 2012 and I’m for the first time in a long time, extremely excited about things again. The old enthusiasm is back and with it so too a confidence in myself (and those around me) to deliver what we truly believe is possible.
Pride is [wrongly] lorded nowadays as a positive attribute to have. I think humility is a far greater attribute to have but it's also certainly far harder to truly become. I’m grateful that God, in his grace helps me realise I need help and then also supplies every need to strengthen.
